The Holidays are coming. Bring on the… spam?

It seems that the major chain stores aren’t the only ones who have begun a series of serious marketing campaigns designed to get the unsuspecting consumers out there to purchase their products this holiday season. the spammers have jumped on the seasonal marketing bandwagon as well and they, if anything, are more aggressive about it than the superstore trying to sell me that 50-inch plasma TV.

I was away from my keyboard yesterday, in Oklahoma with family for funeral services. Upon my return I was greeted with over 40 emails, most of them letting me know that if I would just try their product, my manhood and stature with the ladies would be increased by unimaginable amounts. Still others promised that I could download the most sought after windows software on the market today at a mere 10% of what the original companies sell the product for. Yet another batch of helpful, yet unsolicited advertises wanted to inform me that I would never truly be at my fullest fashion potential until I purchased one of their “genuine replica” watches… (rodex, anyone?)

I suppose I should be angry that these people have managed to concoct a message that will :

1. make it through all 3 layers of junk filtering I employ on my server, my home system and in custom junk files.
2. Waste my time having to mark each new message as spam, so that said custom list can identify them on the next round
3. Insult my intelligence with poorly written pigeon English and references that outside of their native tongue are quite offensive to most Americans.

But to be honest, I usually just chuckle. I applaud the fact that these people are persistent enough to fool some of the most widely used spam catcher software in the world. It shows perseverance, if not intelligence on their part. And honestly, I go through my mails as they come in for the most part, so the amount of time “wasted” is generally negligible, at least in the grand scheme of things. The poor English almost always makes me smile, for if these fools knew what they were really saying to me, they would know I would never think of looking at their stuff.. Ever.

so in conclusion, I would like to send a message to all of those individuals who bombard me with this chaff on a daily basis.

1. My “manliness” is not in question. Both my wife and myself are satisfied with each other and the way we’re put together. I don’t need your help. Thank you, but no. If you feel such a strong need to focus on this problem, perhaps you should take your phallus enlarging pill, and then your confidence level would improve enough that you could move on to selling TV’s
2. No matter how inexpensively you offer me software, I will never buy it from you. had you done any market research at all, you would realize that most Linux users have little or no need for Windows® Software. As a matter of fact, I only use 3 pieces of the stuff, and that is on a second partition on this machine that I really don’t like having to use, because I simply detest the operating system.(If anyone is listening, can e get better WACOM support in linux, a USB driver for Guitar Port and a reverse-engineered DAZ 3D from the Solaris sources???) If so, I can dump windows forever and never look back.
3. Again, back to market research folks… I have not worn a watch for over 10 years, and I have no plans to start with one that’s going to turn my arm green.

OK, I’m off the soapbox now… Just had to vent bit.

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