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The Ultimate Rejection Letter

Herbert A. Millington
Chair – Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University
College Hill, MA 34109

Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I
regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me
an assistant professor position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually
large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field
of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Whitson’s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in
rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at
this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor
in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,
Chris L. Jensen

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6 Responses

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  1. Susanne in Key West says

    Hi, I like your style of writing and your humor. There should be much more people with “civil courage” to set up a letter like this one…I had a good friend of mine who got rejecting letters and she filled 3 ring books with. Very frustrating, yes.

  2. Tracy says

    I recently had a bunch of those. Well, not letters and not as many as your friend, Susanne, but enough that I was getting really disheartened. Of course, I came back from school in the middle of my second semester looking for a job until I could start school again in the fall, so it’s not like I had a lot to offer in that department. If I’d had the courage and the brains to do this, I wonder what would have happened…. :)

  3. Morriconei says

    Great little read.I only wish that would actually work.

  4. Jaya says

    This is the best rejection
    letter I’ve ever read! :-)

  5. Jerry says

    I thought it was pretty hilarious myself…

    It’s the lighter side of writing, but sometimes that’s the fun side!

  6. Writer, Rejected says

    Wow! Why have I never thought of a rejection letter of a rejection letter?! That’s brilliant! Check out my blog devoted to literary rejections (a notable subset of the rejection letter) at http://literaryrejectionsondisplay.blogspot.com/
    You dwarf me.



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